The Colbert Report/Episode/535
Production Info |- |} |- |} The Check-In * Dr. Colbert is not doing so well today after running over a homeless man on his way into work ** his life is over * APRIL FOOLS! * His Jewish Friend thought it was a terrible joke ** and that April Fools was yesterday * Dr. Colbert excused himself to look after something in the parking lot Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert sometimes he likes to do the smaller stories that falls through the cracks ** honey is the only food that doesn't spoil ** Dick Cheney ran a secret death squad ** how did he find the time with all his secret torture * so, Cheney had a roving band of executioners ** like finding out Liberace was gay (you had a hint people) * Cheney was performing the duties of the Vice president as outlined by Founding ** mercury cures syphilis * Now being controlled by Joe Biden ** only previous trying to kill Obama's chances of getting elected * the only thing he can plug is his hair * gather everyone he wants to assassinate, move to a city reachable by Amtrak SEGMENT2 * Obama headed to Strasbourg ** birthday of NATO * Stephen supports NATO ... * Stephen has a watch that is also a gun ** a twista-flex * Cold War Update! In London, met with Dmitry Medvedev * not new progress, old progress ** they go bankrupt, we watch new episodes of Cheers *** Diane may kiss Sam this year * Medvedev's finger is on the button to call Putin to tell him what to do * Supra-National Currency ** makes Stephen angra * Russia and China ** US will punish them the way they punish everyone who ruins the economy: bailout * embargo against Cuba ** run over America in a 55 Nash Rambler * Obama may lift ban on Cuba ** Richard Lugar * effective in bringing Cuban people to democracy * failed for 50 years, because it's a 78 year plan ** the tree will be tall enough to climb up *** eventually it will work unless they have plumbers * North Korea, insane leader, Rachel Maddow's grandmother * launch "communications satellite" * we're not even planning on stopping this launch * rest easy Hawaii, list of place Washington might consider saving ** not sure how it works, ask New Orleans * cold war is strong in space ** fee dispute, Russians cannot use American toilet on ISS * Space Reagan ** force the Russians to pay that fee ** challenge to flush down this log! SEGMENT3 * Dr. Colbert turns out his old nemesis is back ** the dictionary * by far the worst book he's ever read ** as if he didn't see that back on M * changed the definition of "marriage" ** to include gay marriage * suspect Miriam and Webster were conjugating more than irregular verbs * throws everything into question ** will change the definition of the word outrage *** brawny towel man * most sinister part ** made this change back in 2003, until a conservative * Dr. Colbert could have been gay married and not know it ** their first song was YMCA * same-sexicographers ** Gay ** Bear ** manwich, not well-known outside the clubs where Stephen does his research * they may engayify Truthiness * new definition: ** truth that comes from the gut *** also: a word so straight it drives men wild Interview * Biz Stone ** co-founder of The Twitter ** Dr. Colbert will ask him every mundane detail of every moment of his life * he is impressed with the way Dr. Colbert * pre-eminent twit in the United States ** feels powerful * side project ** podcasting company * why 140 characters, including spaces * Dr. Colbert began texting during the interview ** which is not rude' it's the future * first tweet ** What hath God twat!? * inviting his co-workers to try it * why not just talk? ** tweet-ups * new way of messaging * magic happens * messaging system we didn't have until * what's good enough for hamarabi * Nothing is so easy * creativity is inspired * including spaces rips people off * totally free ** Biz in Biz Stone is not short for business *** sounds like a character on the Flintstones * based in San Francisco, like Pets.com * different between profit and value * will begin experimenting a revenue model this year * why do many congressmen and celebrities twitter? ** celebrities find deeper connections with fans *** others like Demi Moore and Ashton Kusher (control message) * Twittering caused the plane crash in the Hudson Epilogue * Dr. Colbert came back from the break finishing a tweet * Remember, always let your conscience be your guide, until you can afford a GPS, they're far more reliable Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments